Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize