Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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