never play flip cup with pint glasses
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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