but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
