So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
