I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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