Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
