I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
