break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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