Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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