No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
