she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
