I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
