True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
