professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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