I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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