feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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