Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
