Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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