you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
