just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
