i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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