And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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