are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
