let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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