i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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