I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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