That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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