Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
