I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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