In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
porn star boner night. come get it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
