the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
