When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
