Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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