Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
