A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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