I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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