Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
