WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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