Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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