my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
