Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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