so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
