Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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