I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
