I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
