my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
