this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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