put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
