My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
