She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
