How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She told me I should be a condom model.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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