I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
