get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
