Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
