Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
