Duck Duck Cougar?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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