I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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