You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
