i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
