She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
