I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
